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Jan 6, 2010, 11:38am

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AuthorTopic: Joke....... (Read 6,148 times)
ScottBon
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Re: Joke.......
« Reply #600 on Nov 6, 2009, 6:25pm »
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.

One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?'

The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a fucker to iron.'
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ScottBon
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Re: Joke.......
« Reply #601 on Nov 11, 2009, 4:38pm »
One Day In IRELAND...

While on a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drove his BMW into a gas station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.

The pump attendant, obviously unaware of who the golfer was, greeted him with a friendly "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir!"

Tiger nodded a quick hello and bent forward to pick up the nozzle. As he did so, two tees fell out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are those, son?" asks the attendant, knowing nothing about golf.

"They're called tees," replied Tiger.

"Well, what on the good earth are they for?" inquired the Irishman.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," Tiger explained.

"Gracious," said the Irishman. "BMW thinks of everything!!!"
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ScottBon
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Re: Joke.......
« Reply #602 on Nov 11, 2009, 4:40pm »
I like going bowling; I always make my name '3 Testicles' on the board.

That way the TV occasionaly says "Congratulations 3 Testicles! You got a spare."
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Re: Joke.......
« Reply #603 on Nov 17, 2009, 5:16pm »
i was in a club on saturday night,completely wasted,and walked up to this beautiful blonde girl at the bar."duck my sick"i said drunkenly."youre so wasted"she replied,"dont you mean suck my dick?"i threw up all over her and said "nope"
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ScottBon
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Re: Joke.......
« Reply #604 on Nov 18, 2009, 4:00pm »
BBC News, today reads, "Five sentenced to death in Iran."

It has been a shit year for boybands.
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ScottBon
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Re: Joke.......
« Reply #605 on Nov 18, 2009, 4:02pm »
GOOD-LOOKING, Athletic Notting Hill-based actor star millionaire seeks gullible stunner.
email johnnyvegas@msn.com
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ScottBon
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Re: Joke.......
« Reply #606 on Nov 18, 2009, 4:06pm »
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.
So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock.
That shut her up.
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ScottBon
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Re: Joke.......
« Reply #607 on Nov 24, 2009, 6:35pm »
I was set upon last night by three guys down an alley. I managed to knock one out.

Not the best time for a wank but what the hell.
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ScottBon
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Re: Joke.......
« Reply #608 on Nov 24, 2009, 6:36pm »
I really don't get karaoke, I just don't see the point of it.

I mean, if I want to see a hopeless drunk murder an Amy Winehouse song, I'll go to an Amy Winehouse gig.
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ScottBon
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Re: Joke.......
« Reply #609 on Nov 24, 2009, 6:36pm »
Just watched the news for the deaf. The woman signing gave up after three attempts at Cockermouth.
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ScottBon
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The importance of time largely depends upon which side of the bathroom door you are on.

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Re: Joke.......
« Reply #610 on Nov 24, 2009, 6:37pm »
I think Whoopee Cushions are great fun, but when preparing them I find that it's really hard to fart into them.
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ScottBon
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Re: Joke.......
« Reply #611 on Nov 24, 2009, 6:56pm »
A man tells his girlfriend at the last minute that he can't meet her that night and she texts all her friends saying, "He's such a bastard, he's just blown me out at short notice, I think he's seeing someone else."
A woman tells her boyfriend at the last minute that she can't see him that night and he texts all his friends saying "Pub?"
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Re: Joke.......
« Reply #612 on Nov 25, 2009, 1:23pm »

Nov 24, 2009, 6:36pm, ScottBon wrote:
Just watched the news for the deaf. The woman signing gave up after three attempts at Cockermouth.


That one's made my day, brilliant. That'll be doing the rounds.
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Re: Joke.......
« Reply #613 on Dec 2, 2009, 10:00pm »
Why the fuss about Tiger Woods? Isn't it normal for one of his drives to end up on the green?
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Re: Joke.......
« Reply #614 on Dec 2, 2009, 10:00pm »
What do you get if you cross a rooster with a packet of opal fruits?
A cock that makes your mouth water!
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