Post by hoofhearted on Jul 20, 2009 15:41:42 GMT 1
OK, so after many many years of research I have come up with an absolutely fool proof way of stopping yourself from being attacked by a shark. GUARANTEED.
I have tested this method all over the world, including the shark infested waters off Australia, South Africaand Thailand. It works !!
I know there has been more costly research than mine that has come up with much more costly solutions, such as chemicals you can release in the water that frightens great whitey off, harpoons, and other methods that simply dont work as well as mine. I mean, sniff chemicals, does it frighten you or just get you giddy, you know what i mean here dont you, and as for harpoons, try poking a bear with a stick and see if it remains calm. Sorry chaps and chappettes, them ideas are plain bullshit and will leave you in a very uncompromising position with our mate sharkey.
So, what is this method I hear you ask. Well before we find the solution, we must first look into the circumstances that are present when a shark attacks you. Get it?? well follow me and it'll all come clear. Firstly, you need to be present, and also a shark needs to be present, (obviously). But then, theres this third criteria involved here.
Yes, thats it, I eventually discovered you actually need to be wet, in fact fukin soakin before a shark will attack you. Coming clearer now isnt it.
Ded simple, if you feel you may be about to be attacked by a shark, just get a towel out and dry yourself and theres no way the gilled bastard will cause you any mither. There has never been a shark attack on a dry person.
Tell your mum I just saved your life (potentially anyways) and all donations gratefully accepted (but dont send your mum).
THE HOOF
I have tested this method all over the world, including the shark infested waters off Australia, South Africaand Thailand. It works !!
I know there has been more costly research than mine that has come up with much more costly solutions, such as chemicals you can release in the water that frightens great whitey off, harpoons, and other methods that simply dont work as well as mine. I mean, sniff chemicals, does it frighten you or just get you giddy, you know what i mean here dont you, and as for harpoons, try poking a bear with a stick and see if it remains calm. Sorry chaps and chappettes, them ideas are plain bullshit and will leave you in a very uncompromising position with our mate sharkey.
So, what is this method I hear you ask. Well before we find the solution, we must first look into the circumstances that are present when a shark attacks you. Get it?? well follow me and it'll all come clear. Firstly, you need to be present, and also a shark needs to be present, (obviously). But then, theres this third criteria involved here.
Yes, thats it, I eventually discovered you actually need to be wet, in fact fukin soakin before a shark will attack you. Coming clearer now isnt it.
Ded simple, if you feel you may be about to be attacked by a shark, just get a towel out and dry yourself and theres no way the gilled bastard will cause you any mither. There has never been a shark attack on a dry person.
Tell your mum I just saved your life (potentially anyways) and all donations gratefully accepted (but dont send your mum).
THE HOOF
