Post by maz on May 22, 2007 11:55:25 GMT 1
Three guys stayed at a skiing lodge, but there was only one room with one bed so they shared it.
During the night the guy on the left wakes up saying he had a dream where he got a hand job.
Incredulously the guy on the right says that he also had a dream where he got a hand job.
The guy in the middle says he dreamed he was skiing.
************************************************************************
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders 10 shots of tequila.
The bartender pours the shots and asks the man if he is feeling OK. The man responds by saying that he is fine and he’s actually celebrating his first blowjob. He then knocks back all 10 shots one after the other.
The bartender says to the man, "Hey, since it was your first blowjob, let me buy you another shot."
The man replies "No, no... if 10 shots of tequila doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
************************************************************************
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
************************************************************************
The Queen and Pamela Anderson die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St. Peter must decide which of them gets in.
St. Peter asks Pamela if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, so she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect ones God ever created, and I'm sure it will please him to be able to see them every day for eternity."
St. Peter thanks Pamela, and asks Queen Elizabeth the same question. The Queen drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it. St. Peter says, "OK, Elizabeth, you may go in. Have a nice day."
Pamela is outraged. She screams, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own creations, she performs a disgusting, pornographic act, and she gets in and I don't?!!!"
"Sorry, Pamela, but a royal flush beats a pair any day."
************************************************************************
The boss had to lay off one of his staff, and he narrowed it down to one of two people: Debra or Jack.
It was an impossible decision because they were both great workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler.
The next morning he sits watching the water cooler. Debra arrives with a horrible hangover after partying all night.
She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said "Debra I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack Off"
"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit this morning."
************************************************************************
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
During the night the guy on the left wakes up saying he had a dream where he got a hand job.
Incredulously the guy on the right says that he also had a dream where he got a hand job.
The guy in the middle says he dreamed he was skiing.
************************************************************************
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders 10 shots of tequila.
The bartender pours the shots and asks the man if he is feeling OK. The man responds by saying that he is fine and he’s actually celebrating his first blowjob. He then knocks back all 10 shots one after the other.
The bartender says to the man, "Hey, since it was your first blowjob, let me buy you another shot."
The man replies "No, no... if 10 shots of tequila doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
************************************************************************
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
************************************************************************
The Queen and Pamela Anderson die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St. Peter must decide which of them gets in.
St. Peter asks Pamela if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, so she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect ones God ever created, and I'm sure it will please him to be able to see them every day for eternity."
St. Peter thanks Pamela, and asks Queen Elizabeth the same question. The Queen drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it. St. Peter says, "OK, Elizabeth, you may go in. Have a nice day."
Pamela is outraged. She screams, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own creations, she performs a disgusting, pornographic act, and she gets in and I don't?!!!"
"Sorry, Pamela, but a royal flush beats a pair any day."
************************************************************************
The boss had to lay off one of his staff, and he narrowed it down to one of two people: Debra or Jack.
It was an impossible decision because they were both great workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler.
The next morning he sits watching the water cooler. Debra arrives with a horrible hangover after partying all night.
She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said "Debra I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack Off"
"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit this morning."
************************************************************************
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"